Me. At least after what I've been through.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
