i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
