I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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