I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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