Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he was CRYING into my vagina
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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