Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Come share oat with me in your robe
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
