i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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