I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
