apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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