before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
