I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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