I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
