Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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