All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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