official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
