There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
