The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
