she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
