My pussy is not your playground.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize