You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
