Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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