I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
