I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
