No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
