Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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