But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
