I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Randomize
