how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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