i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
