sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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