Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
