looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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