In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
