i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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