your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
