can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Let's get the cat blown out
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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