and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
