you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize