if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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