Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize