so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
