He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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