Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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