Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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