If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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