Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
