mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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