i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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