okay pat passed out under dana's car
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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