hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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