I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize