Life is so much better after having sex.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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