How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize