She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
