Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
