I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
