I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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