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You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
