I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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