Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
