Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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