I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
