how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
