i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
