He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
