New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
