then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
the day after is always just damage control
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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