I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
we're chasing vodka with high fives
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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