Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
