hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
