Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm just crazy horny about you
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
