Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
