i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
is wine microwaveable?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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