Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
