yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
